Impostor Syndrome as an International Student

There was once this little girl who was on top of her classes, got good grades, had a pretty decent social life and also enough time to draw, play flute, and practice sports. Then one day she was accepted to MIT! She flew from her home country and arrived to campus but oh boy, then the Fall semester started.

Yep, that was me. And I will just say that for the first couple of weeks I was a bundle of tears. I felt so out of place. I was not only super self-conscious about my accent, but also about my shaky science background. My high school was not bad, but being from another country meant that my school’s curriculum was quite different from the one of the US. I clearly remember sitting in 5.111 hearing Patti quickly brush over spdf orbitals when the last thing I had learned in school for chemistry was the octet rule. I went to the stud, bought a bag of “Sheila G's Brownie Brittle Cookies” (would highly recommend for stressful nights), rushed to the fifth floor and started crying. Yeahhhh, not a very good start at MIT. Should I really be here? Was I smart enough? Why was I the only one who looked completely lost? Why did it take me so long to finish a PSet? Anyways, the usual. And it’s funny because upperclassmen tend to tell you that almost everyone feels like that but I just remember finding it so hard to believe them, but now that I’m a senior I finally kinda understand.

Freshman year is hard. Or at least it was for me. It is the pressure of getting to know people, comparing your grades to the ones you used to get in high school, trying to have a lot of fun because everyone tells you that you should because “PN/R man!” But it is not that easy for everyone. This doesn’t mean you are dumb or not good enough to be here. Not at all. It can mean so many different things: maybe you still need to learn how to study effectively (and this is not an easy task. I’m still learning how to do this lol). Maybe it’s that you need to catch up with your peers in certain classes because they didn’t cover that topic in your high school. Maybe it’s that you need to pay more attention than usual to your professor because you are still getting used to learning things in English. Maybe you just miss your home and friends and this doesn’t let you focus on lectures. It could be a million things but I assure you, YOU ARE MEANT TO BE HERE. Full stop. That’s it.  

MIT is hard, but I think it gets a little better as years pass. It is not that MIT becomes easier though, I think that what changes is you. You learn how to cope with stress, you find a routine that works for you, and you make very good friends who will help you get through tough times. I can’t stress enough how important it is to have a supporting community during college. I was lucky enough to find it as a freshman in 1E and in my fraternity (Number Six). I honestly don’t know where I’d be now without them.

So make friends! And be patient. Bad times will pass and when you look back, what you will always treasure and remember are those random conversations at 3am eating a microwaved pizza. Do crazy things in college, make mistakes. You are here to learn so don’t be afraid to sometimes say fuck it and try something new.